It can be challenging to keep your teen on course with all s/he needs to learn in order to become an independent young adult.
Have you noticed how an angry and irritated response on your part do nothing to motivate your teen, and only serves to diminish your connection with each other? You are better served by trying to understand why your teen is struggling, such that you might address the problem.
A tough love approach usually does not work– because frustration, not love, is speaking. Teens do best when they feel supported and connected. ADD is not a quick fix. Patterns of reaction may developed between the two of you, as well as with your teen and their schoolwork, that will need to be turned around.
I support parents in being able to enter into open discussions with their teen, where they can understand how their child is feeling, and help their child explore their feelings of frustration and upset. A major goal in my working with teens with ADD is to assist your teen in moving beyond their frustrated or defiant stance about school.
Remember, it is not your fault that s/he is struggling. You do not need to feel you must appear angry in order to express your concern. Anger can feel like a retaliation for not pleasing you, and confuses the issue altogether. His/her not doing their homework is not a personal defiance of you. It is a cry for help. He/she might be feeling sad, a bit lonely, isolated, somewhat inadequate and utterly frustrated, and therefore is giving up trying.
Attention Deficit Disorder is something that can be sorted out. Your teen’s hope and enthusiasm, as well as his/her sense of capability need to be intact as they leave school to finally enter the world. Battles over homework will not accomplish that. There is a better way …
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